The Crossover That Will Eat Your Brain
by ChibinoHoshi
Summary: Been interested to see what would happen if you threw a buncho of mahou shojo and shounen in a room together? So was I. This is the result. A strange idea that I decided to treat completely seriously. Rated for cursing and possible eventual mild lime.


I swear to you that the title is true. If you like your sanity (though if you're in fandom you've already forfeited it), or have no capacity to remember the names of forty characters, please stop here.  
  
Oh yes, this fic will contain SHOUNEN-AI, het and probably some SHOUJO-AI (all of this will be pretty mild). If you do not like this, get the heck out of here right now. Flames will be used to make a bonfire, and flamers will be taken out back and burnt at the stake.  
  
The crossed-over manga (all storylines will be manga-based, because I enjoy going against the norm like that) include Sailor Moon, Ranma 1/2, Yuu Yuu Hakusho, Cardcaptor Sakura, Rurouni Kenshin, Demon Diary, and Inu-Yasha. This is not to say that there won't be more, but these are the ones that we will begin with and probably end with.  
  
I may occasionally forget that a character exists. I wrote in script format to make this easier, but it's an uphill climb. Please excuse the minor plotholes (if this thing has a plot) and if you'd give me a heads-up on the major ones, it would be much appreciated.  
  
I'm a new writer; I will glow at all praise and probably most criticism. Happiness is a full inbox.  
  
And now, without further ado, on to the fic!  
  
br  
The Crossover That Will Eat Your Brainbr  
  
[Scene: The middle of Tokyo. A dangerous, murderous demon extends its tentacles from the Tokyo Tower. Five girls in sailor suits throw magical attacks at it.]  
  
SAILOR MERCURY: Shabon Spray!  
  
SAILOR MARS: Flame Sniper!  
  
SAILOR VENUS: Sailor Moon! Now!  
  
[The youma shudders, and SAILOR MOON prepares to follow up with her tiara.]  
  
[Scene: Outside of a school building, which a sign proclaims to be Furinkan High. A redheaded girl is chased by a bokken-wielding boy in a kendo uniform.]  
  
KUNOU: Pig-tailed goddess! Come, let us run away together! We shall -   
  
[KUNOU is cut off by a foot in his face.]  
  
RANMA-CHAN: Give it a rest, freak!   
  
[RANMA-CHAN jumps to a roof and begins running home.]  
  
[Scene: Outside another school. A flood of students in pink uniforms exits, with one redheaded boy the center of most attentions. He shakes off the mass of girls proclaiming their undying love, and walks alone down the sidewalk, finally coming to a stop by a tree.]  
  
KURAMA: Hello, Hiei.  
  
[HIEI jumps down from the tree to land beside KURAMA. KURAMA smiles at the shorter youkai, who nods in greeting.]  
  
HIEI: Meeting today at Genkai's.   
  
KURAMA: Oh, really? I wonder what Koenma's done this time...  
  
[Scene: A mansion in Tomoeda. A girl with long black hair and a camcorder films another girl looking very embarrassed in a frilly dress with kitty ears, a boy in green robes, a third girl in red robes, and a flying stuffed animal with a big smile on its face.]  
  
TOMOYO: Ooooh, Sakura, you look so cute as a kitten! Smile!   
  
[SAKURA attempts a smile. KERO flies in front of her, hamming it up for the camera.]  
  
KERO: I'll smile for ya, Tomoyo!  
  
SYAORAN: Why is the stuffed toy here?  
  
KERO: You're gonna pay for that, brat!  
  
[KERO bites SYAORAN's finger.]  
  
[Scene: A dojo in Tokyo. Two men are sitting on the front steps, watching a boy receive his swordfighting lessons.]  
  
KAORU: Okay, that's enough for today!   
  
[YAHIKO is practicing the move even as KAORU walks inside. KENSHIN watches him carefully.]  
  
KENSHIN: You've improved greatly lately, that you have.  
  
[YAHIKO beams.]  
  
SANO: [spits out a fishbone] Don't get too happy. He said you improved, not that you're good.  
  
YAHIKO: HEY! [attacks SANO with the new move]   
  
[Scene: A large castle. A black-haired man is lecturing a blond teenager, while a girl chases a boy in cleric's robes in the background.]  
  
ECLIPSE: Now, Master Raenef - would you please attempt the incantation for the Ice Blade?  
  
RAENEF: [snaps back to attention] Huh-wha? OH! [big eyes] Um... could you repeat that?  
  
ECLIPSE: Master Raenef! Would you please LISTEN? [Hits him]  
  
RAENEF: [tears up] Owchies...  
  
ERUTIS: [in background] Chris, get back here! You haven't finished your drills yet!  
  
CHRIS: Get away, crazy girl!  
  
[Scene: A forest. A man with dog ears leads a group of four others: a small fox-demon, a girl on a bike, a monk, and a woman with a boomerang. INU-YASHA sniffs at the air.]  
  
INU-YASHA: Kagome, are you sure about this? I don't smell anything.  
  
KAGOME: I'm positive! I feel a jewel shard right over... [points] That way!  
  
INU-YASHA: Feh.  
  
MIROKU: Now, Inu-yasha. You should listen to her.  
  
SHIPPOU: Yeah, you big idiot.  
  
[Fade out. We see only white. Then - a sudden tearing sound, and the white is cut by a red flaming streak. The color fades back in, to a small white room with a confused jumble of people on the floor. The room has a strange ceiling, which we will inspect later, and two doors on one wall.]  
  
INU-YASHA and YUUSUKE: HEY! What the hell is this?!   
  
[SAILOR MOON screams, loudly. SANO and KUWABARA cover their ears. Everyone else winces.]  
  
[There is a moment of extreme tension, and then everyone begins to move slowly. After a few moments of this, the setting is:  
  
YUUSUKE, KUWABARA, KURAMA, and HIEI back-to-back in one corner of the room. YUUSUKE has four glowing fingertips, KUWABARA is holding a glowing light, HIEI has his sword out, and KURAMA has his hand in his hair.  
  
INU-YASHA, MIROKO, and SANGO in front of KAGOME and SHIPPOU in the corner to the REIKAI TANTEI'S right. KAGOME still has her bicycle. INU-YASHA just looks like he's ready to kill someone, MIROKU has his right hand up, and SANGO has somehow gotten into Demon Exterminator gear.  
  
The SAILOR SENSHI in a disorganized group along the wall, with SAILOR MOON at the front and SAILOR MERCURY at the back doing frantic calculations.  
  
KENSHIN, SANO, KAORU, and YAHIKO in a line in front of MEGUMI and TSUBAME. KENSHIN has his hand on his sword hilt, SANO is grinning and messing with the straps on his wrists, and YAHIKO and KAORU have their bokken out, on the defensive.  
  
ECLIPSE glaring at the room, standing in front of RAENEF, who huddles in the corner opposite the KENSHINGUMI. ERUTIS and CHRIS have backed up to each other, ERUTIS with her hand on her sword and CHRIS with a Holy Bolt prepared.  
  
SAKURA, SYAORAN, and MELING in front of TOMOYO, YUKITO, and TOUYA in the fourth corner opposite the REIKAI TANTEI. KERO is whizzing around their heads.   
  
RANMA, AKANE, RYOGA, SHAMPOO, MOUSSE, UKYO, KUNOU, NABIKI, and KASUMI in a huddle in roughly the center of the room. Most of the martial artists appear to be spoiling for a fight, while KASUMI stands peacefully and NABIKI runs her eyes over the rest of the room with a calculating look.]  
  
[There is another moment of extreme tension.]  
  
[There is a small sound from the middle of the room. Thirty-nine heads snap to look at it. KASUMI, oblivious, has gasped.]  
  
KASUMI: Oh my. Ranma, Akane... are these friends of yours?  
  
[Thirty-nine heads develop spontaneous sweatdrops.]  
  
[KENSHIN is the first to react. He takes his hand off his sword.]  
  
KENSHIN: No, this one is afraid he has not met any of your friends before, Miss. Would you care to introduce us?  
  
[KENSHIN gives KASUMI a sunny smile and a bow.]  
  
[With these comments, the tension in the room is partially broken. The swords are sheathed, and the attacks are powered down, for the most part.]  
  
[KASUMI turns to KENSHIN.]  
  
KASUMI: Oh, you haven't? Well, Sir, I am Tendo Kasumi... these are my sisters, Nabiki and Akane... This is Saotome Ranma... [She continues introducing the Tendo Dojo residents and assorted freeloaders.]  
  
[The REIKAI TANTEI, headed by KURAMA, introduce themselves to RAENEF and company.]  
  
KURAMA: Hello, Eclipse. It's been a long time.  
  
ECLIPSE: [Suspicious] Who are you?  
  
KURAMA: Don't tell me you've forgotten Youko Kurama...  
  
[ECLIPSE's eyes go wide.]  
  
RANEF: Um, Eclipse? Do you know these guys? [he eyes KURAMA] You are a guy, right?  
  
ERUTIS: As if you're one to talk.  
  
[SAILORS MOON and VENUS develop hearts-for-eyes as they eye up the bishonen.]  
  
VENUS: WAIIII! The redhead is sooooo cute!!!!  
  
MOON: Isn't the black-haired one just to die for?!  
  
VENUS and MOON: [SIIIIGH!]  
  
[KAGOME walks over and says hello to SAKURA, with INU-YASHA following close behind. He still looks paranoid. YUKITO transforms into YUE, who assumes a protective posture over SAKURA. This is not well received.]  
  
KAGOME: [jumps] YAH! Demon - ?!  
  
INU-YASHA: [Growls, and prepares to draw Tetsusaiga]  
  
HALF THE REST OF THE ROOM: [Does similar]  
  
SAKURA: Hoeeeee?! [Noticing their reactions] Yue's not a demon! He's my guardian...  
  
KAGOME: [twitchy] A-are you sure? Aaah, okay then... Hi?  
  
[SAKURA gives her best "everything's absolutely okay" smile]  
  
INU-YASHA: [sniffs] She's right. No smell of demon around him, anyway.  
  
[The rest of the room relaxes - slightly. HIEI's forehead glows purple. ECLIPSE mutters something under his breath. SAILOR MERCURY resumes frantically typing. The humans in the room not used to supernatural events group closer together, with the exceptions of KUNOU, who is looking frantically for the pig-tailed girl, and MOUSSE, who has lost his glasses. INU-YASHA continues sniffing. ECLIPSE and KURAMA, upon noticing him, look decidedly uneasy.]  
  
KURAMA: I thought he had been killed...?  
  
ECLIPSE: He always was one for surprises.  
  
[INU-YASHA ceases his scan of the room, and turns toward the TANTEI and RAENEF.]  
  
INU-YASHA: [Points] Those four are demons, though! [Snarls] And I'd know your scent anywhere, Youko Kurama! Which are you?  
  
[KURAMA makes a sweeping bow, smirking. HIEI glares.]  
  
INU-YASHA: A human body? You? Pathetic.  
  
KURAMA: I suppose that with your level of power, you cannot tell that this form is only temporary.   
  
INU-YASHA: [Snarls.]  
  
KUWA:[To Kurama] You know him?  
  
KURAMA: Yes. We were... associates at one point. About a hundred years ago?  
  
HIEI: Hn.  
  
KUWA: Jeez, you have some weird friends...  
  
RAENEF: [Half-hidden behind ECLIPSE] Um, Eclipse, who are these people?  
  
ECLIPSE: [Sighs] Little Master, what did I tell you about this sort of thing?  
  
RAENEF: [Lightbulb] Oh yeah! [Steps out from behind ECLIPSE] [In a decent parody of a cold voice, to the TANTEI and INU-YASHA] Who are you, vermin, who dare to enter my domain?  
  
[HIEI, KUWA, KURAMA, YUUSUKE, and INU-YASHA sweatdrop. ECLIPSE bops RAENEF on the head. RAENEF whines.]  
  
RAENEF: Why do you always do that to meeeee? [teary eyes]  
  
ECLIPSE: [mutters] Because you always deserve it... [Normal volume] Please excuse my master, he is not himself today. [sigh]  
  
[HIEI smirks. YUUSUKE chuffs. ERUTIS takes over the task of introducing people.]  
  
ERUTIS: Hiya. I'm Erutis, swordsmaster! [At this, HIEI gives her an appraising glance.] So this sweetie here is Raenef - isn't he just an adorable Demon Lord? - and the tall scary one is Eclipse, if you guys didn't know that, and the jerk over there with the bump on his head is Chris, who is gonna get his ass kicked just as soon as I'm done here.  
  
KUWA: _okay she's scary._ Uhh, pleased to meet you.  
  
ERUTIS: And you too!  
  
YUUSUKE: Demon Lord?  
  
KURAMA: He's one of the minor ones... from a long time ago.  
  
YUUSUKE: Then why-  
  
KURAMA: [Interrupting] Not important right now. Erutis, Eclipse, Raenef, meet Yuusuke, Kuwabara and Hiei...  
  
[Throughout this, INU-YASHA has stood tensely facing KURAMA; now he grunts and turns away, to be roughly grabbed by a screaming boy with fangs and a bandanna.]  
  
RYOGA: HEY! YOU! You know what's going on here! What's up with all the-[he cuts off, eyes getting even larger than they already are, when he notices INU-YASHA'S ears. He sputters.] Whaa-a-a!   
  
[Another boy, this one with a Chinese shirt and his hair in a rattail, shows up seemingly from nowhere.]  
  
RANMA: Whoa. Ya get caught in Spring of Drowned Puppy or somethin'?  
  
INU-YASHA: [glares and growls] Let go of me, you idiot.  
  
[RYOGA drops INU-YASHA, more out of surprise than anything else. The dog-demon snarls to the best of his ability.]  
  
RANMA: Touchy, aren't ya?  
  
[As INU-YASHA is trying to think of a snappy comeback (well, either that or slice RANMA open), a MYSTERIOUS VOICE is heard from above.]  
  
M.V.: **And how are my little minions doing, hmm?**  
  
[EVERYONE instinctively hits battle pose. They're already on edge and strange voices from nowhere are not helping.]  
  
SANO: HEY! Show yourself!  
  
M.V.:**That's impossible. I'm a Mysterious Voice.**  
  
RANMA: And what the heck is that supposed to mean, huh?  
  
M.V.: [Somehow manages to look pitying. Even, y'know, without a face. Don't ask, it's a Mysterious Voice.] ** I'm here for the plot exposition, of course!**  
  
[There is a pause and the characters look around nervously to see if the Fourth Wall has been breached. When there is no cracking earthquake, they resume their battle tension.]  
  
M.V.:**The forty of you will be trapped in this room until either you or the author goes insane! Now that you know this, I will never appear again. Careful with the doors and don't look at the ceiling too closely! I will see you… never!**  
  
[There is manic laughter and the Mysterious Voice ceases. Approximately point two seconds later, several ki attacks, a few swords and a whip hit the ceiling. The resulting spiritual fallout has everyone diving for nonexistent cover. There are screams of varying volumes and types.]  
  
[The scene fades to white.]  
  
END ACT ONE The Crossover That Will Eat Your Brain  
  
That was odd. Let's hope we find some real humor, and perhaps the lost Ranma characters, in the next episode.  
  
Thank you for bothering to read this far. Now, if you'd just click the nice little "review" button in the bottom corner of your screen, we'd all be much pleased…  
  



End file.
